An Unexpected Yet Gratifying Detour: A Personal Certified Voice Artist Program Experience

   

And just like that, our Certified Voice Artist Program came to an end... at least in the sense of our usual Saturday sessions and weekly tasks. Our journey, on the other hand, is just beginning!

Now, where to start this post?

As I type, my mind is still in a whirlwind of thoughts and my heart is still overflowing with feelings. This was more than just a voice acting program for me. Through CVAP, I was realigned with who I've always wanted to be and if I'm going to be completely honest here, I buried that person a long time ago because I thought she was too egoistic, too powerful, too self-centered. Some relationships, romantic and platonic alike, made me think so. I struggled long and hard with some personal principles that made me feel like an odd one out, screaming things in my head, "You shouldn't even be thinking like that in the first place. You shouldn't even be like that in the first place."

To compromise, some tailor-fitting happened here and there and for a while I thought, hey, it's not so bad. I'm being a person for others and slowly ridding myself of the thoughts that initially didn't feel right (again: too powerful, too egoistic, too self-centered). I'm being a person my family would want, I'm being a person someone else would want but, at the end of the day, was she the person I want, the person I need? 

She's too powerful, I've always thought. I had to silence her for so long as if she wasn't the person anyone would need.

But... she's too powerful.

 She had to break free. 

The quarantine period left me with a hell lot of time with her. Over and over again she struggled to fight away the chains binding her and even as she emerged, the compromised self I built up and the true self had a tough time coexisting. See? That's the kind of power she holds that even I, my(compromised)self, had to come to terms with that. What an irony it was to doubt the true self.

Prior to CVAP, I was in that stage of getting to know her once more. I was in the process of believing in her again because she was the person I've always wanted to be. One of the statements I often said in my vlogs and some posts was "I came from a place full of doubt." That doubt was one I wouldn't wish on anyone -- the kind of doubt that ate me alive day and night, stemming ironically from choosing myself above anything else.

Over and over I had to ask my closest friends for help after countless nights of struggling with heavy guilt that my compromised self cannot handle. Outside forces managed to successfully mold me into a much different form, that even my true self almost became unbearable. 

But CVAP happened.

I met my batchmates.

I met, most importantly, Sir Choi (Pocholo Gonzales).

Sir Choi's words was my true self's voice talking back to me, affirming me and my decision to take that leap and be unapologetically true. 

The trauma response I've always had when I hear the same kinds of affirmations from closest friends is, "what if they're just saying that because I'm their friend? What if they're just riding along with my principles?" 

Crazy voices in my head, right?

With just the first session, the taunting voices of guilt were slowly being silenced by words of affirmation like:

"No one will appreciate you if you don't appreciate yourself. You cannot give what you do not have."

"People are going to laugh at you for being different. Laugh at them for being normal."

"With us, you are given the opportunity to be who you really are."

Through CVAP, I met Sir Choi. He never knew me, never knew my struggles and stories, yet his words in our sessions alone were enough to clear my mind and heart. Through his #Pochologies I no longer felt that prioritizing yourself is selfish. Hell, it's even important.

For the first time, my true self felt truly and sincerely validated. I shared some of his quotes and my personal key takeaways from our CVAP sessions to my closest friends and the common reaction was, "Yes! That's true!" and that's when it hit me: people have a self-empowering and self-sufficient side of them that they may be afraid to acknowledge because of the wrong notions I, too, initially had: that it may come off as selfish and arrogant, or worse, unimportant. All it took for me was a few constant motivating words of affirmation and maybe, just maybe, that's what everyone else needs as well; the guilt-free acknowledgement that they can -- and should be -- a person for themselves.

I realized I can be a person for myself -- and should be -- first and foremost so that I can be a person for others, too. It's so enlightening to see it that way and if you're truly authentic about how you really are as a person, the universe plays its part to lead you to the right people and the right situations at the right time. 

"Grab the chance today that your future self will be thankful for"

And that's the whole thing about CVAP. I was in it at the most perfect timing of my life --  a low point of guilt, doubt, and greatly struggling with myself. Now, just six weeks after, my "she's too powerful, too egoistic, too self-centered" mindset already became, "I am empowered. And who I am and how I think is not being too egoistic and self-centered." 

So here's a message for you, if you're still reading this up to this point. 

CVAP teaches about your voice and how it's more than just fancy modulations, alluring accents, and quirky character voices. It's a gift to make others great because someone out there needs to hear your voice.

And where does that all start? 

It starts with you and the acceptance to be your most authentic self. 

Have courage, take that leap, and let the universe do its part while you do yours. :)

-----

PS: 

I initially intended to include about the experience program-wise here, but my personal one even had to be summarized (this is already summarized lol) so... more about CVAP as a voice acting program on a different post!